The Tales of The Cullen Gang
by Emergency Vampirization
Summary: Isabella Swan is the top model in the world. Deciding on having a simple life, she moves to Forks, WA. Edward Cullen, the town's hotshot is in dire need of a new challenge.
1. Introduction to a Whole New Bella

**Disclaimer: SM owns all of this. EVEN EMMETT! *cries***

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First day of school.

Effin' first day. All those ugly bastards staring at you and fake sluts glaring at you. That's what always happens when I transfer schools. If my mom just wasn't the CEO of Swan Modeling Company, we would just stay in one place. Oh, wait, Phil. Mom's new husband. He's a major player in the baseball league, so we still have to move. Seriously, the only place safe to live at is at Charlie's. My dad's. He's the chief in a small town called Sporks. Or was that Spoons? Knives?

Oh I got it. Forks. Forks, Washington. Small town. Just around 1750 people in it. See?

Now, I'm moving there. I just jumped on the next plane flying here then, poof. I got here. I made my oh-so lovely assistant, Angelica to ship my whole wardrobe and car here. Don't have time to pack. So here I am in my dad's teeny tiny home. I just live in the spare room on the second floor. Small, ugly, but comfy. Not my type, but I definitely have to go away from stalkers and..

"Papa-paparazzi!" I sang out. I giggled and twirled. It was cloudy today, luckily, no rain. I wore a white dress shirt, black tights and black booties. I had my hair in a messy bun and applied very little make up. I ran down, kissed Charlie on the cheek (which surprised him) and raced to my Bugatti Veyron. I got in and drive quickly to school. Everyone was already there. Duh, it was just 5 minutes before bell. I quickly turned the engine off and got out. I closed the door and saw everyone was staring at me. Seriously, everyone. You could even hear a pin drop.

Right on cue, a pin dropped. Everyone's attention shifted to it. I took it as a chance to run. I jogged inside and chuckled. Oh, the irony. I checked in the office and saw a big, fat, redhead on the desk. Her nametag wrote, "Mrs. Cope."

"Hey, Mrs. Cope. I need my fucking schedule right now, better be quick. Chop chop!" I demanded. Seriously, she moves like a turtle. She looked at me for a while. I just raised my left eyebrow at her and tapped my wrist. She immediately got to work and gave me my schedule and a slip. I turned around and jogged out.

"Thanks!" I hollered. By then, everyone was inside. Everyone was staring at me, again. This got me to blow.

"WHAT?! Have a life, people!" I complained and went to my first class, which is English. I sat on one of the chairs on the back. The bell rung and the classroom got filled. Everyone went to their chairs and one kid, stood beside mine.

"Umm..you're kinda..uh..sitting on my chair." He stammered.

"Good luck. I don't care. Now SCRAM!" I said and he rushed off to find an open spot. I stood up and walked to the teacher. I slammed the paper on his desk. Mr. Gennad.

"Gennad, sign this paper. No introductions, unless you want to die. Clear?!" I shouted to him. Everyone got quiet. Mr. Gennad signed the paper and gingerly handed it to me. I took it forcefully and stomped back to my chair.

It took quite some time before he started the lesson. He started teaching about the books, yada yada. Whatever. I read most of what they would give.

This day officially sucks.


	2. Introduction to a Whole New Edward

Another day in my life. Aren't you just happy you can witness it?

I'm Edward Cullen, the hottest man, the smartest student and the best athlete in sports. Damn it, I'm also fucking rich. My mom is the world known interior designer and my dad is the best doctor ever and also a male model. We own some companies and hotels. That's the reason why every guy wants to be. Except my brothers. Every girl wants to date me, with the exception of my sisters. I mean, who can resist my charm? No one. I'd like to see a day that someone can resist my charm. Ha.

I got my blue dress up polo and rolled the sleeves up to my elbows. I wore my dark blue pants and black converse. I ran my hand through my hair and went down. I ate my pancakes, made by mom and kissed her cheek. I ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I raced down the stairs and got in my silver Volvo. I waited for my foster siblings to come down and go to school.

After 20 fucking minutes they came down. Alice and Jasper in the yellow Porsche and Rosalie and Emmett in the Jeep. We simultaneously drove to school. We hung out on our cars.

"Oh my God! Have you watched the latest news? Isabella Swan, is a runaway! I mean, she escaped the clutches of her mom and went away. Nobody knows where she is, except her assistant, Angelica. She won't talk!" Alice chirped. She's talking about Isabella Swan again. She's the most famous model ever. I think. She posed on Alice's magazine and she posed once, on my favourite magazine, FHM. Just once, so far. She posed for this month's issue. I can't keep my eyes off of it, so I bought it. Man, her boobs are big and her flat stomach-

"I know right! I mean, she could be anywhere by now! The fashion business won't survive without her!" Rosalie added. Just then a car entered the school parking lot. A Bugatti Veyron.

"OMG!" Rose squealed, "Is that a Bugatti Veyron?!" She yelled madly. The car parked just across my car. Then the door swung open. A sexy leg went out and then the whole person. When she got out, everybody stopped and stared. It was motherfucking Isabella Swan!

And, she's definitely sexier in real life. Her wonderful curves, long legs and big boobs. Man, I'd definitely score her. A pin could drop and everybody would hear it.

Right on cue, a pin dropped. Oh, the irony. I mentally chuckled. She jogged towards the school, her sexy ass, swaying. Just then, after she entered, everybody started talking.

"That's... that's.." Alice was speechless. Woah, first time ever.

"Isabella Swan!" Rose squealed. I looked at Emmett and Jasper, they were both drooling, just staring at the space where she was last seen, before entering the school. I snapped my fingers and they came back. They wiped their drool and shook their head.

Now, I had my latest target. Isabella Swan.


	3. Introduction to a Semi Changed Rosalie

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all except my plot. :(**

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"Rosalie Lillian Hale!" My dad yelled. Oh, c'mon, when do I ever get a break?

I trudged down the stairs, staying on the last step. I rubbed my eyes, making my sight go clearer. When I saw my dad, I glared at him and my little sister, Claree.

"What?" I snapped. Dad came over to me and stood tall. At 6'5, he looks like a giant. He towered over me and glared. I glared right back.

"What's this?" He asked and held up a box. I squinted my eyes and saw what was written on the box....Vibratex. Shit! He found my vibrator. DAMN YOU, DAD. I grabbed it away from him and heard my demonic sister giggle.

"It's mine. Don't go in my room, it's private. If you don't want to see this, then don't go to my room." I said simply.

"ROSALIE HALE, IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF THAT NOW, YOU'RE GROUNDED! No shopping, no dates and importantly, NO CARS." He said menacingly. He looked at me, daring me to say something. I did. Technically.

I screamed like I was a bitch gone mad. I screamed on the top of my lungs, sharing my magnificent voice to the world. I screamed like there's no tomorrow, which is when he grounds me. I stopped for a breath and was going to continue, but he covered his hand on my mouth.

"Shut up, Rosalie. Now, go to your room and burn this thing." He said and stalked off. He went back to Claree, playing princess with her. Really. Once I saw him, wearing a pink ruffle-y dress.

_Flashback_

_Last day of junior high is tough. Everyone is running around, completing things they didn't do. BLEGH._

_I got into my car and drove back home. Oh, my car. It's so beautiful. Man, I wouldn't give it up for a one night stand with George Clooney. DAMN YOU, by the way. _

_I grinned when I got home. I got out of my car and went in. My grin fell. What I saw surprised me. Dad, MY dad was twirling around, wearing a hot pink princess dress. He had a tiara and was wearing heels. He looked..gay._

_I cleared my throat. He turned around and blushed madly. His daughter just caught him red handed, wearing a princess dress. EMBARASSING. _

"_I..uhm..was playing with uh, Claree. Yes. I was. She, uh, made me wear this, or she would, uh.. never see me again, yes. Never see me again, that's what she said if I didn't wear this." He said proudly of what he came up. An idiot would only believe him. She- err he, even had make up on! SERIOUSLY._

"_Whatever." I said, playing it off like I didn't care. Which I did. If he ever came out of the closet, my reputation would be ruined!_

_End of Flashback_

You might be confused, but sometimes I stay with my dad in the mornings and then run to my new family's house. I have been adopted but my dad decided to show up last year and here I am.

"Fine, you jerk." I snapped and ran up. I quickly threw the box on my bed and went straight to my bathroom. I stripped and turned on the cold and hot water. I sat into the tub and relaxed. I waited for a minute and switched the water off. I grabbed the remote beside me and turned on the TV. I quickly changed the channel into the Fashion Channel. They were interviewing the mom of the world known mode, Isabella Swan.

"_Mrs. Dwyer, is it true that Bella ran away?" the reporter asked._

"_Yes," she sobbed, "I don't know where she went! I asked Angelica, but she would just shrug and say 'Bella doesn't want me to tell you.' and walk away!" she hiccupped._

"_Mrs. Dwyer, any idea where she went?" _

"_I don't know. Maybe to her father but I can never be sure! She always wanted to stay in Italy, Rome, Hawaii, Germany and Japan!" she said helplessly._

"_I'm sure she'll come back," the reporter said and faced the camera, "This is Alicia Derby, reporting for E! News." _

I let out a gasp. This can't be! Bella Swan ran away! How would all of the companies she endorsed live without her! She's the highest paid model and the current model of almost all of the top brands in Fashion! Oh no!

I quickly bathed myself and got out of the tub. I grabbed a towel and sat on the stool in front of the mirror. I blow dried my hair and ran to my closet. I chose a red spaghetti strap tank and black skinny jeans. I took my red pumps and tied my hair into a ponytail. I took my makeup and applied my foundation. I gently put mascara on my eyelashes and blood red lipstick on my lips. I took my star earrings and put it on my ears. I got my pink eyeshadow and applied it. I took my bag and ran down to my red BMW convertible. I turned on the engine and drove to my foster family's house.

I entered and ate there. I smiled at my foster mom, Esme. I dug into my food and shoved it to my mouth. Unladylike, I know. I brushed my teeth in one of the bathrooms and got out with Alice, Jazz and Em. Emmett and I rode on his Jeep and went to school.

We parked and chatted for a while when a Bugatti Veyron entered the parking lot.

"OMG!" I squealed, "Is that a Bugatti Veyron?!" I yelled madly. It was sooo shiny and fast and beautiful! The car parked and the door opened. A leg went out and then the whole person. It was ISABELLA SWAN! _Mental squeal!_

Everyone went quiet. A pin could drop and everybody would hear it.

Right on cue, a pin dropped. Oh, the irony. Everybody's gaze shifted to that except us Cullens. She took it as a time to escape and she jogged towards the school. Just then, after she entered, everybody started talking.

"That's... that's.." Alice was speechless. Woah, first time ever in my life I see her become speechless.

"Isabella Swan!" I squealed.

This day is the best!

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**Author's Note: These first few chapters will be short. They're just the introductions, please bear with me. Up until I introduce them all, they will be short. So, SORRY. :)**

**Oh, and to all who have been wondering why I made Bella sort of a..you know..BITCH, it's just that Bella's sort of a weakling when Stephenie Meyer did it. I want Bella to stand up for her own. Bitchella is better than Bella the weakling. Soo, yeah. :)**

**Read and Review! **

**xoxo,**

**Allyson/Allie. **


	4. Intoduction to the Same ol' Emmett

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Not even Emmett. *cries***

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**EMPOV**

Dun-dun-dun-dun! Emmett the Great is here to brighten up your day! I am the handsomest, the smartest, and the sexiest! I make girls faint, but my heart belongs to my one and only Rosie! So, sorry girls, just go and annoy Gayward or something.

"EMMETT!" My little cutie-patootie sister said. I ran down the stairs with my super awesomeness.

"Yes, baby darling?" I asked. She rolled her eyes. Le GASP. How dare she?

"Uh, nuh-uh sissy. Thou shall not roll your eyes at me, mhm." I said in one of those bitchy tones. I got it from watching movies with my Rosie. Ah, my beautiful, hot, Rosie. Oh the things I could do to her...

"EMMETT ARNOLD TIMOTHY MCCARTY CULLEN!" Ali-tootie screamed. She was waving her tiny cute arms like a maniac.

"Yes, Mary Alice Brandon Cullen?" I asked her back.

"Thou shall take a bath and get fucking DRESSED!" She screamed, mocking me. I put my hand on my heart, acting as if it broke my heart. She tapped her foot and pointed towards my room. I ran upstairs, scared for my life. You don't know what that little thing could do to you.._Mental shudder._

_Flashback_

"_EMMETT ARNOLD TIMOTHY MCCARTY CULLEN! WHERE ARE IS MY PURSE?" My cutie pie sister, Alice screamed. Wait..purse? I didn't take it..I think._

"_I didn't take it, Allie-boo!" I yelled back. I stood there, waiting for her response. I heard things crashing and something breaking. Then I heard loud footsteps coming down._

"_YOU DIDN'T TAKE IT? WELL, WHAT'S THIS I FOUND IN YOUR ROOM?" She screeched, holding her black purse in front of me._

"_HEY! In my defence, I forgot I took it!" I reasoned._

"_Oh yeah? Well then, how about I forgot that VIOLENCE IS A BAD THING?" She yelled and stomped on my foot with her 5 inch heels. OUCH! I lifted up my foot and started cradling it. Then I felt my ear being pulled. She managed to pull me to the garage, beside my jeep. She took a hammer and positioned to hit me. I closed my eyes, waiting for the hit._

_SMASH! _

_I opened my eyes to see that she didn't smash me, but the hood of my jeep. Then, she started breaking all the windows, and pounding on my car. I just sat there, dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it. My little sister had the strength to inflict damage on my super hot red jeep!_

_I started crying. I cried for my jeep, my manliness and my ego. Alice ruined them all. I never want to be on her bad side again. EVER AGAIN._

_End of flashback_

See, a painful memory. I quickly bathed myself with hot water and sprayed Axe on me. I started picking out the clothes when I saw clothes on my bed. I shrugged and picked up some boxers and undershirt. I wore them and took the outfit Alice had most probably took out for me. It was a navy blue shirt saying, "Me and my muscles" with biceps in the picture. Suits me well. Then, dark wash jeans and my Nike running shoes. I combed my hair and ran down the stairs.

"Happy, oh little Alice the fashionable Pixie?" I asked her and twirled. Yeah, I know. I _twirled._ It's a daily routine, and if you didn't do that, you'll get punishment from Alice. She nodded, agreeing with what I'm wearing. I heard my Rosie coming in the house. I ran to her and gave her wet, sloppy kisses. She responded with the same passion. I ate my breakfast happily, which were cooked by mommy Esme. I grinned.

I put all of the pancakes in my mouth, cut some butter, put it in my mouth, took some maple syrup and squirted it in my mouth. I chomped on it happily and when I finished, I brushed my teeth and ate some breath mints. I then walked Rosie to my new and improved Jeep. We drove towards school in a completely, fabulously, peaceful trip.

I stopped the engine when we arrived in school. Oh, many people. The pranks I could do to Newton and his ugly wannabe athletes. Or maybe I could also prank the Skanks (Jessica, Lauren, and their posse.). Then I listened to what my babe was talking about.

"Oh my God! Have you watched the latest news? Isabella Swan, is a runaway! I mean, she escaped the clutches of her mom and went away. Nobody knows where she is, except her assistant, Angelica. She won't talk!" My eenie meenie sister, Alice chirped. She's talking about Isabella Swan again. She's the most famous model ever, from what I've heard. I'm a mega huge, super duper, ultra fan! I have got her posters and her magazines in my room. She posed on one of my most favourite magazine, FHM. Just once, so far and the best. If I wasn't dating my Rosie, I'd totally hit on her and make her mine. Then I'll take her to la-la-land and get married with a teddy priest!

"I know right! I mean, she could be anywhere by now! The fashion business won't survive without her!" My oh-so beautiful Rosie added. Did I mention that my Rosie is absolutely beautiful? Yeah? Oh. Just then a car entered the school parking lot. A Bugatti Veyron. Oh, pretty car. :)

Then, the door opened. A very sexayy leg came out. Then another. It was definitely a her. Her legs are like, so pretty and so creamy and so long. Then a person stepped out of the car. OHMYGOD! Dreams really do come true! It's ISABELLA SWAN! _EEEEP!_

She's GORGEOUS. She has pretty long brown hair, and a heart shaped face. She also had very pretty brown eyes! Oh and her body. She was as sexayy as my Rosie. Or probably sexier. Her curves are just HOT and her boobs are big. Man, I'm in deep shit. I'm fantasizing about another girl. But, who can't? Oh yeah, daddy Carlisle. I think, even gays would go straight if they saw her in real life.

Then a pin dropped. I don't know why, it just did. I looked at it for a while then saw Isabella Swan jogging towards the school. Her boobs bouncing and her ass swaying. I was just staring at her. I think there might be even drool somewhere along my mouth.

I faintly heard my Rosie and Alice say something.

"That's... that's.." Mini-sissy, Alice was speechless. Woah, I think this is the first time Allie-bear has been speechless. Wow, I should mark this date on the calendar.

"Isabella Swan!" My Rosie squealed. Edward snapped his fingers and I came back to the real world. I wasn't even aware that Jazzy-nut was doing the same thing, staring at the space where Isabella Swan was last at. I wiped my drool and shook my head.

BEST DAY SO FAR!

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**Author's Note: People, don't expect my updates to come fast. Summer is near, so wait until it's here, and I'll try to update every 2 days or something. So, please bear with me. :)**

**READ AND REVIEW!**

**xxx,A. 3**


	5. Introduction to the Semi New Alice

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE! :)**

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**APOV**

Mary Alice Brandon Cullen. That's me. I prefer Alice than Mary or Mary Alice. If you do call me either, I'll personally see that you get murdered by a hired assassin or me. I prefer me doing the job, but sometimes, I'm busy. I don't have enough time for bitches or bastards.

I'm not goth, nor punk. I'm emo. As in the _krrrshk-slice slice skin_, baby. I usually do them on my wrist, or on my shoulder. None of them leave marks, unless they are really deep. I only have a few scars, and those are not from cutting. Those are mostly from the fights I've been. Now wait a minute... There's something wrong with my wardrobe.

Ugh. Haven't I told Esme not to buy me any neon coloured clothing? All I want is black, red, or navy blue. NOTHING ELSE.

Couldn't she understand that I AM A GOTH. I LIKE BLACK, I LIKE RED. I DO NOT ENJOY NEON COLORED THINGS. I DON'T LIKE RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS. I LIKE PAIN, I LIKE BAD THINGS. I LIKE BLACK, I LIKE RED. AND I LIKE THE FASHION INDUSTRY.

Got a problem with that? No? You should've said yes. I would've had a chance to beat you into a pulp of red goodness. Now, shut up.

I sighed in disappointment and wore my clothes. A black tee, a leather jacket and skinny jeans. I got my socks and wore my black chucks. I went to the dresser and pulled out a drawer. I got my spiky choker that looked like a dog collar, but whatever, it looks good. I also took my black spike studded wristband. I put it on my wrist and got some hairspray. I made my hair go spikier that it was before.

There, I look magnificoco.

I took my bag and trudged downstairs. I threw my bag on the couch and sat on a stool. I ate the pancakes Esme cooked. I squirted lots of maple syrup and stabbed it. I put them in my mouth. The door opened. Rose is there. I ignored her and stuffed the pancakes in my mouth.

I saw Esme come out of the kitchen. I jumped down the stool and talked to her.

"I thought we got it settled that I. DON'T. LIKE. NEON. COLORED. THINGS." I said venomously. She shuffled her feet, brushing her foot on the other leg.

"Well?" I tapped my foot on the floor.

"I thought you would like a change. Or maybe your mind would change?" She said with a questioning tone.

"I would tell you if I would. But NO, you just had to buy me those ugly colored things. Now, what would I do with them? I won't wear them." I said.

"Well, I guess if you decided to change, you could use it." She said. I considered that one. I could probably use them as rags or something. So, I just shrugged, and headed to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth and I got out of the bathroom. Emmett came to me.

"Happy, oh little Alice the fashionable Pixie?" He asked and twirled. Yes, he did twirl, or else, there will be hell to pay. I nodded, agreeing. Rose came in and he _skipped _ merrily to her. Sheesh.

I headed to my car and waited for Jasper to come in. He opened the door and sat down. He looked great, as always.

I gunned the engine and speeded my way to the school. I parked beside my brothers and sisters and went out of the car. I walked towards Rose.

"Oh my God! Have you watched the latest news? Isabella Swan, is a runaway! I mean, she escaped the clutches of her mom and went away. Nobody knows where she is, except her assistant, Angelica. She won't talk!" I chirped. I told you, I liked fashion. Don't be surprisedo (pronounced as sur-priced-oh). Uhuh, I know Spanish.

"I know right! I mean, she could be anywhere by now! The fashion business won't survive without her!" Rose added. Just then a car entered the school parking lot. It was the newest version of a Bugatti Veyron. How did I know? Blame-o Rose.

"OMG!" Rose squealed, "Is that a Bugatti Veyron?" She yelled madly. The car parked across Eddie's car. Huh.

Then, the door opened. A leg came out. If I was lesbo, I would totally do her. Man, that leg is sexayy! Wait, is lesbo Spanish? It ends with an o. Just like surprisedo, faceo, flooro, caro..

Then the driver got out. It was ISABELLA SWAN!

_Mental scream. REJOICE, REJOICE!_

She's really breathtaking, and I'm a girl. Her pictures and shows didn't do her justice. She looks so much better in real life! She's defiantly fitter and beautiful-er than what they made her appear to be.

Then, a pin dropped. I don't even know why'd the hell a pin drop. Maybe because of the thing where it says, "you could hear a pin drop," whenever there is silence. Meh, I guess that person was bored and decided to drop a pin. Well, can't blame him or her.

Isabella Swan jogged towards the school doors. So, it means that she's going to my school! YEAH! I can interview her, and be her bestfriend! Then, we'll do shopping together, makeovers (of course, with black) and so much more!

"That's... that's.." I said, speechless. I think this is the first time I've ever been speechless. I don't really know. I never count. I'm lazy.

"Isabella Swan!" Rose squealed. Bitch, I know. I'm just speechless. Do I look like a moron to you? Huh? Or an idioto? Or a stupido? (A/N: stupido is actually an Italian word, but if you added an e in the front, it would be Spanish. You're close, Alice! Tee hee.)

I can't believe she's here. But, fuck why? This place is very boring. Very green. Very dull. Very ugly. And, it lacks the beauty of black. You can't see much things that are black. We need to change those. Seriously. They make me even more depressed than I'm supposed to be.

I'm excited to meet and greet my new BEST FRIEND!

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**Author's Note: Sorry people about all the introductions. I need you to read those so you would understand the story later on! **

**Read and REVIEW! :)**

xxx,A.


	6. Yes, The Last Intro, JASPER!

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Seriously. OMG, It's JASPER!**

**Oh yeah, I used some words that aren't in the dictionary, yes, and I put in the parenthesis what it means. I would do that often just to avoid confusion or you guys asking me what it means. Yeahhhh.**

**By now, I'm typing up the next chapter. I pre-wrote it, since I took so long getting this chapter up. I know, you think I'm lazy, well, I'm not. I have homeworks and projects and my Social Studies Final is going to be held next week. Then, all my other finals are going to be held next next week. See, SCHOOL IS TRYING TO KILL ME.**

**xxx, A.**

**P.S. I'll have the next chapter up by later in the evening (Canadian Time) or tomorrow. ;)**

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**JPOV**

YAAAAAAAAY! I feel so happy! I'm Jasper Hale and I'm the happiest person on earth! I like multi-colored clothes because it describes me! Isn't that great? Colors can't describe how I feel?

"I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHINE, WOAAAAAH!" I sang loudly. I don't care if I sound bad or something, because, I'm happy and I believe I am a greattttt person! YAY, JAZZY! I should hire cheerleaders to go and cheer for me, every time I need to say YAY! JAZZY.

_Mental note, hire cheerleaders. Don't make Alice sink into the desperate pit of depression because of that._

Oh, my Alice. She is a very spiky lady. Really spiky. Her hair, her necklace that seems so tight on her neck aaaand her bracelet thing. She's very gorgeous. But, she likes black. Normally, I would go complain and whine about the complete lack of other colors there, but I don't do it to Ally-bop. We love each other and she can always make me feel calm. She balances our relationship. And, she can be very happy if she wants to be.

_Flashback_

"_ALIIIIII!" I screamed. I heard some things slamming and smashing. What's happening?_

"_WAIT A MINUTE, JAZZYPER!" She screamed back. PHEW, she's safe. Okay. Ally-boop one. Ally boop two. Ally boop three. Ally-boop four. Ally-boop five, Ally-boop si-_

"_I'm here, Jazzy!" She said and jumped on me. Yay! My Ally-boop is happy! WOOOOOO._

_End Flashback._

Yeahh, I know. Pretty corny. And short lived too.

I don't actually know what to tell you guys anymore. Am I even supposed too? But, oh well! You must like me, not _like me like me_ but yeah, you get the point! Sooo, I'm going to school now, yah. YAYAYAYAYAH! I threw on a yellow shirt that has a happy face on it and says, "Let's be happy!" I got some gangster jeans, I don't know why I call them 'gangster jeans' I just do. I put a hippie band on my shaggy blonde hair, 'cause I'm cool like that. I threw on some chucks and I am ready to go!

I went down from my room, and saw that Alice was harassing mommy dear. I already know that I shouldn't dip into their beezwax (business). I just ate my pancakes happily accompanying it with some maple syrup. I munched on it and after that, I brushed my teeth. I combed my hair in and shook my head real hard. My hair got shaggy again! I run-walked towards my Ally-boop's car and she looked as beautiful as ever. She gunned the engine and drove towards school.

When we arrived there, everyone was in there _groups. _I just stood beside Emmett and Edward and just listened to the girls chattering away.

"Oh my God! Have you watched the latest news? Isabella Swan, is a runaway! I mean, she escaped the clutches of her mom and went away. Nobody knows where she is, except her assistant, Angelica. She won't talk!" My Ally-boop chirped. She liked fashion, even though she just wears anything that is black in colour and almost every time you see her, she seems depressed. Ahh, the power of the Fashion Industry.

"I know right! I mean, she could be anywhere by now! The fashion business won't survive without her!" My-real-life-cousin-that-is-my-foster-sister Rose added. Just then a car entered the school parking lot. It was the newest version of a Bugatti Veyron. That's the car I've been dreaming of for months! Not literally.

"OMG!" Rose squealed, "Is that a Bugatti Veyron?" She screamed eagerly. The car parked across Edward's car. Huh.

Then, the door opened. A leg came out. It was a very pretty leg. It was long, creamy and sort of toned, but in a girly way. I looked lower and saw she was wearing booties. You know, the boot-like-heels-that-is-prettier-than-boots. That one. That's why her leg is toned.

I was too preoccupied on her feet, because next thing I know, _she _already came out. _Internal mental GASP. _Isabella Marie Swan!

She looks phenomenal. She's wearing fashionable clothes that are too monochromatic for my liking, but heck, it suits her. She has a perfectly curved body, which makes me wonder how she got that. My-real-life-cousin-that-is-my-foster-sister Rose doesn't have a _perfect _body. Yes, she may be fit and is curvy, but if you ask me, her hips are waaay too large for her upper body. Not a huge difference, but pretty noticeable if you stare at it. But Isabella, it's like, she was carved out of stone because her hips are complimenting the size of her breasts.

Then, a pin dropped. Eh?

Oh, the saying thing. I'm not even going to repeat that 'cause you probably heard that from my siblings already. She jogged towards the school doors and I just followed her through my eyes. Her ass swayed sexily as she jogged. She opened the doors and went it, but I just continued to stare at the last place I had seen her.

Wow. This is defiantly, a very HAPPY day.


	7. BAM, Gangs and What Not?

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Only the plot and Alejandro. Ale-ale-jandro. :)**

**A/N: Here's what I promised. I told you I'll be able to update today! This is longer than the first ones, hoping to get you guys started. :)**

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**BPOV**

Ugh. If there's one thing I hate more than the person I saw wearing a yellow costume that shapes his junk are people who ogles at me. ARGH.

_Darling, Bella, didn't you just say that you liked paparazzi? _

I knooow I did. I just don't like _other _people ogling at me.

_That doesn't really make sense, darling. You like the paps, but, you don't like other people ogling you? So what if they stopped being paps and they became just regular people?_

Then I won't like them anymore. Simple as that.

_Nah, I just think you are crazy. _

Sorry! Jeezers Bajeezers.

_Whatevs._

Nice, now I'm talking to myself. Life sucks. Well, not really. Wanna know why? I saw this hotalicious sexy as hell guy. He had penny coloured hair, sexy as hell emerald green eyes, chiselled jaw and full red lips. Was he wearing lipstick or something? My lips are pink and his are...red! He was about 6 something and from his clothes, I could see that his bulging muscles wanted to get out. He was ripped! But not in a buff way, sort of in a lanky way.

From this, I bet my life he's a player. I'm sure I'd win. :P

I was walking down the hallway to the office. I forgot to ask where my locker is. So, I headed to Mrs. Cope's desk and stood there. She looked at me with fear in her eyes? Say whaaat?

"I-Isabella. What can I do for you?" She stuttered. MAN! Was I really this intimidating?

"Oh, well, Mrs. Cope, I kinda forgot to ask you where my locker is. Could you point it for me?" I asked sweetly. Hey, I could be bitchy, but I could be as sweet as brown sugar as well. :)

"Uhm. Just head to the north wing of the school, there is an available one there, number 348. Do you have a lock with you?"

"Not really."

"Well, you could have this one for now. When you buy yours, you could just give it back to me." She said and handed me a rusty looking locker. EW! I need a lock, fast.

"Well, thanks Mrs. Cope. See ya!" I said and run off. But before I headed out, I swear I heard her say, "Is she bipolar or something?"

Oh well. I carried my books and headed for the north wing of the school. I only have seven minutes 'til the bell rings. I ran all the way there and finally reached locker number 348. I opened it and screamed.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I yelled and jumped away from the locker. It's disgusting! It smells like a dead mouse and smelly gym socks, it had mould around the shelves, it had cobwebs and I even saw a cockroach come out it. I heard laughing from my right. I saw 3 teenage guys. One was medium sized and the other two were thin. Stick thin. I stalked towards the boys until I'm in front of them.

"Who are you laughing at?" I spat venomously. The two thin guys cringed, but the medium sized one stood up.

"You. You looked so funny right there." He said smugly. Oh, this is how you want to play it..

"Oh really? I wonder if you would look funny if I did these." I said and stomped on his foot with the heel of my booties. He screamed and cussed in pain. I held my fist back and slammed it onto his face.

_CRACK!_

His nose started bleeding, and his jaw was slightly out of place.

"So, who looks funny now?" I sneered. He screamed incoherently and his "friends" looked at me and ran away, leaving him there. I walked back to my locker and held my breath. I took my books that were near it and threw it away. I ran back and took out my Blackberry.

I pressed 4 long and hard. I put it on my ear and waited for an answer.

"Miss Bella! What can I do for you?" he said in a Spanish accent.

"Alejandro, I need your help. I need you to hire cleaning people for me. I need it, pronto. I'm in Forks, Washington. Tell them to go to Forks Highschool and go to the north wing." I told him.

"Si, si. Is that all?"

"Oh, please pay them extra to not say where I am. You too. Don't say anything."

"Of course, Miss Bella. I know you enjoy your privacy."

"Awesome. Love you, Alejandro. Bye!"

"Love you too, Miss Bella. Adios!"

I ended the call and shoved my phone in my pocket. I leaned on the locker behind me and waited for it. And waited. And waited some more.

After 3 minutes, the people came. They went to me and was starstrucked. I rolled my eyes and instructed them on what to do. When they saw my locker, their eyes widened in fear. They took masks from their bag and started working. They sprayed some things there and what not. They finished after 3 minutes. WOW, they are pretty fast. I paid them extra for their speed and they thanked me.

"Can I have an autograph, Miss Bella?" One asked. I was surprised. No one ever had the guts to ask for my autograph. Well, from a cleaning crew, anyway. I smiled at him and took a sharpie from my back pocket. He gave me a picture of me modelling for Victoria's Secret. I giggled inwardly and signed it.

_Dear.._

Wait, what's his name?

"Uh, what's your name?"

"Jacob. You can call me Jake if you want." He said and took off his mask. HOLY SHIT! He's hot. He's tanned and had black cropped hair. He had brown eyes and full pink lips. He's pretty tall as well. Yumm.

"Uh, okay." I told him and pried my eyes away from him.

_Dear Jake,_

_ Thanks for what you did. Hope to see you again._

_Love, Bella. _

_P.S. Here's my cell number if you want to call me. 403-572-9012_

I closed my sharpie and gave it to him. He looked at it and he was surprised to see my number there. As his other crew members walked away, I put my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet about it. He grinned happily and took the bag and ran up to his crewmates.

I sighed and faced my locker. Ahh, it smells fresh. I put my books that I didn't need in my locker, I went to my next class, which was Robotics. I LOVE ROBOTICS!

I skipped happily towards the room and saw there were only a few students there. Around 15? I'm not sure.

I gave the teacher my slip and he looked at me, surprised. Why? Is it because I'm a celebrity, I'm not supposed to like Robotics or be smart? WOW, stereotype much?

I just gave him a forced smile back and took my slip. I stomped towards the most front desk and sat there. I slammed my books down the desk and put my hand on my face and propped my elbow down the desk. I tapped my fingers on the desk and waited for the teacher to tell us something.

"Okay, here. I'm teaching you guys about wire operations today. First, here is the model of a wire.." he droned on and one. DUDE! Everybody knows about that already! I looked around the room and saw all of them looking bored. I tapped my foot on the floor waiting for him to finish.

"Miss Swan!" He said.

"What?" I yelled back. He cringed at my tone.

"Your foot please, it's distracting the others that were listening." He said simply.

"Listening? Don't you see everyone here is bored? WOW, are you blind or just stupid?"

"Excuse me, Miss Swan. You have no right saying those to me. Detention, after school!"

"Detention? SERIOUSLY? Do you think, I'll waste my time to go to detention? NO. So, you're detention-scaring-ass won't do anything to me. Get a better threat oldie."

"MISS SWAN! PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!"

"No! Whatever."

"I'll call your father." He said and smiled smugly.

"Retard. I don't care. Call him now. I'll even lend you my phone so you can call him." I said calmly and took out my iPhone and my Blackberry.

He narrowed his eyes at me and huffed in annoyance. His shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew I had won. He just proceeded and told us that he's giving us a project of building a robot that we thing that will be useful to the world. I smiled evilly and clasped my hands. When the bell rang, the teacher stormed off and I packed up.

"Nice one, Isabella!" I heard someone yell. I looked at the back and saw a brunette girl. She looked surprise and her hand flew to her mouth.

"Thanks!" I yelled back. I ran out and went to my locker.

The school just went by quickly, and now, it was lunch. I put all off things away in my locker and locked. I walked towards the cafeteria and got in line.

Everyone was quiet. HEY, I'M NOT THAT STUCK-UP PEOPLE! I STILL KNOW HOW TO WAIT IN LINES! I just ignored them and waited for my turn. Once I got there, a special meal was given to me by the old cafeteria lady. Wow, special treatment, much?

"You didn't have to do this, you know." I whispered sweetly. I appreciate her taking her time making my favourite foods and drink which is carbonara and lasagne, and a mango smoothie.

"It's my pleasure. You don't see celebrities every day." I laughed. I took out my wallet to pay, but she said it's "on the house." I thanked her and walked around. I tried to look for an empty table but came up with none. I sighed and started to head out, but I was stopped by a goth-looking pixie.

"Uh, hey." I said, unsure.

"ohheybella!Iknowyoudon''llcallyoubella!That'salright,right?Imean,!" She yelled in all one breath. WOAH. (Translation: Oh hey Bella! I know you don't like people calling you Isabella so I'll call you Bella! That's alright, right? I mean, I totally am sure that we are going to be best friends!)

"Uh, alrighty.."

"Come sit with us, Bella? I'm Rosalie, by the way. Oh, she's Alice." I heard a girl voice said and pointed to Alice. I looked behind me and saw a female with golden blond hair that flows to the middle of her back. She was pretty tall, like model tall and she was curvy as well. I wonder if I could get her to work for VS..

"Sure, I guess. I don't have a place to sit at yet." I smiled and they walked towards their table. Then I saw three guys sitting there. There was a dude with shaggy blonde hair. He had icy blue eyes and perfectly arched eyebrows. He was ripped as well. The second one is a buff, brunette dude. He looked intimidating, but when he looked at us, he smiled his smile with dimples. He looked cute now. Then, the third one is penny head. LUCKY!

We reached the table and I put my tray down. I was going to sit down, but I was pulled up by someone. I took my hand away and glared. It was a fake looking blonde with an obvious fake blonde hair, fake nose, fake lips, fake boobs, almost fake everything! Behind her was a brunette, with curly hair and a fake nose. You must wonder, how'd the hell do I know it's fake? Duh, if you compare it to the others, her nose is way too sharp and her nostrils are way too small, like they were pulled close together. UGLY! So, there is always a distinct characteristic to those.

Behind her were 2 redheads. One had curly hair, one had pin-straight hair. Both had freckles on their faces. They're twins. They had fake lashes and fake lips. They were wearing slutty clothes. The curly haired one had half a top, whatever you call them, and a miniskirt. The pin-straight haired one was only wearing a bandeau and short shorts. WOW.

Then, I saw 3 guys there. A blonde one that has a cropped hair just like _Jake._ He had blue eyes and he wasn;t exactly that ripped, but he has muscles. Then, there was a black dude. I..uh, I didn't mean to be racist, it's just his skin color is black. He had like, mini dreads on his head and he was ripped, but not like Meataloid (the brunette buff dude.), he's more of a Blonde-dude-that-looks-like-gay-because-of-the-way-he-dresses-but-he's-really-not-cause-he's-way-too-handsome-to-be-gay dude.

"Yes?" I said in my bitchy tone.

"You should totes sit with us, hun. We are more awess than them. They are just retars, hun." Said the fakest blonde one.

"Yeah, Lauren is like, totes like, right. We are like totes more awess than them." The second fake blonde said.

"Uh-oh, you did not just say that, bitches aka Lauren, Jessica." Rosalie exclaimed, her eyes flaming.

"We like just did. WE ARE TOTES MORE AWESS THAN YOU RETARS." Jessica said.

"Uh.. I need to take a shit. Be right back." I said and ran off. I don't want to get in a fight right now because I really want to take a shit. I'm not embarrassed to say I need to take a shit, because I'm a celebrity, I don't have shame. Almost. Not really.

I went to the comfort room. It was half boys and half girls. There was just a wall, separating them in between. I walked toward there, but was blocked by a depressed looking dude.

"Are you here to tell me that I shouldn't cut myself anymore because I have a whole life ahead of me and I'm worth it?" He said, hopeful.

"Uh, I'm just here to take a shit."

"Oh."

I said and proceeded to take a shit. Wow. I finished up and walked out of the cubicle. I washed my hands and then went out. I walked back to the table and saw they were glaring at each other.

I've made my decision.

"Uh, I'm sorry, guys. I'll stick with them."

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**Additional Author's Note.**

**Awess (pronounced as os. shorter version of awesome.)**

**Totes (pronounced as towts. shorter version of totally.)**

**Retars (pronounced as ree-tars. shorter version of retards.)**

** Oh and could you guys spare some time to review? I really need to know what I should improve on. I think my work is okay, but if I need your opinions. Please? If you do, I totally owe you one. **

**Hoping you will review,**

**Allie. :)**


	8. And So The War Begins

**Disclaimer: Not mine. If it was, I would be really rich and I could buy Emmett Cullen for myself! :))**

**A/N: Important. Please read.**

** There will be one racist joke here. I am not a racist person, but my cousin is. lol. I just got used to his jokes that sometimes, it gets stuck into my mind. I don't want to offend any person who has a _dark _skin tone. I think fairly of everyone, so please, don't be offended. I, myself, have a sort of dark complexion. Well, I'm slightly tan. But that's not the point. My point is, I don't want to offend anyone. If I do, I'm sorry. **

**Oh yeah, thanks for the people who gives me lovely reviews. Thanks for all the compliments and whatnot. I'll just state the names of who reviewed me so far. Cullen4Life, thanks for giving me 4 reviews in a row. Seriously, you are the only one who did that. I LOVE YOU! 3**

**Thanks also to angei0-7, who gave me a fantastic opinion about what I'm doing so far.**

******Thanks also to **LOVE IS A GIFT, Jazziee and blackREDgreenSILVER who gave me reviews and compliments. :)

**Enjoy! :) (R&R)**

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"WHAAAAT?" She screeched. Man, I think I need new eardrums.

"Of course, she'd stick with us, Lauren. We're cooler than you retards all put together." Rosalie said, smug. But seriously, who would choose Lauren? She looked like she was made in China. Fake boobs, fake hair, fake lips..

That would make a good comeback.

"As if, huns. I mean, we are totes better than you. I'm guessing, Bella, here, feels sorry for you, huns. I mean, who wouldn't? Your face looks so ugly, it looks like black boy's shit." Lauren retaliated. Rosalie's eyes narrowed and started to stand up. Meataloid held her down and started calming here. Well, I guess I could make use of the comeback I just made.

"Well, _hun,_" I said, emphasizing the word 'hun', " I decided to join them because they don't have people looking like they were made in China." I quipped. I heard a whole bunch of laughter around the cafeteria. But one stood out the most. The Meataloid's laugh.

"You just got burned, Lauren!" I heard him say. Lauren started getting redder and redder by this point. She stomped out of the cafeteria, followed by her cronies.

"Swan, you've got some spunk!" I heard Meataloid compliment.

"Thanks, Meataloid." I told him sincerely. By now, the laughter died and everybody went into their respective conversations.

"Meataloid?" He chuckled.

"Well, yeah. I don't know your name and you're beefy." I said, suddenly shy. I sat down beside Rose.

"Oh, how rude of us! This is Jasper, my cousin." Rose pointed and Jasper waved at me. I smiled in return.

"That's Emmett, the meataloid (insert chuckle here), and also, my boyfriend." Then Meataloid, grinned at me, showing his cute ass dimples.

"Then, this is Eddie, the town's playboy." Rose muttered, quite angrily.

"It's Edward." Said a smooth, velvety voice. I could feel the blood rushing up to my face. Down, blood! Must resist blushing. Need..to..fight..back..the.. Oh Goddamnit. I can't. Fine, go and rush up to my cheeks you motherfucking blood you. I'll just make up some random excuse just to save myself from embarrassment.

"I need to fart. I'm keeping this way too long." I told them and farted. Loud and proud. I looked around to see if anyone else heard it, but looks like none of them even noticed. Oh yeah, I must tell you that producing fart even though I don't feel the need to fart is one of my talents. Well, I must say that I am one talented bitch.

"Damn girl, you can rival me with your stink!" I heard Emmett say while coughing. Everyone in our table must be coughing. Wait. Shit. What I did is such a turn off to guys. DAMMIT, but well, I got the blush convo away.

"I, uh, sorry?" I asked. But Edward just laughed with tears in his eyes.

"What?" I snapped at him.

" You are one of a kind, Isabella Swan. You might be the angel for me sent down from heaven." Edward said. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Girl, I know I said you've got some spunk, but not this kind of spunk!" Emmett shouted, his eyes, tearing. I patted his back.

"You didn't tell me sooner, Emmett." I said and laughed.

"Warn me sooner, 'kay?"

"Sure.."

The bell rang and all of us rushed out. I went to my locker and picked out my books. I headed for Trigonometry. I went in, let the teacher sign my slip and sat at the back. I saw Lauren and her cronies at the back of the room. Shit, they have the best location. I decided to sit near the window, front desk, so whatever they do, the teacher will see.

"Well, we've got a new student here. Please introduce yourself to the class, Miss Swan." The teacher said. I feigned shock and stood up.

"Oh well, I'm Isabella Swan. Err, I do modeling and I like the colour red?" I said in a questioning tone. I don't know how to introduce myself. They should check Wikipedia and search for me. DUUUUUH.

"Okay, please take your seat." I hopped towards my seat and sat down. The teacher explained about the law of cosines and whatnot.

_SWISH!_

Ow. Something hit the back of my head. I looked behind me and shit! It's a fucking wet, slobbery paper ball! I screamed and ran up to the teacher.

"Mister, mister! Someone shot a saliva paper ball!" I screamed at him. He looked very irritated as he looked around the room.

"Michael Newton the third!" He screamed angrily. He stomped over their table and saw Mike, scurrying to hide the straw that he used to blow the slobbery paper ball towards me.

"Uh, yes sir?" He asked nervously.

"Did you, or did you not just shoot a saliva paper ball towards Miss Swan?" He asked venomously. I saw dreads boy nudge him. Then Mike sat up straight and smirked at the teacher.

"Well, yeah. What'cha gonna do 'bout it?" He retorted. I saw him look at me smugly.

The teacher seemed surprised by his answer. Maybe he never did answer him like that. Or maybe, Newton was being a goody two shoes here in class. Ohh...

"I'll have you for detention, Mr. Newton." The teacher spat and stalked off but not before he told me that I could have a minute telling Newton to 'learn his lessons.' I smirked and went towards Newt and Dreadlocks boy.

"Newt. Dreadsboy. This means war, don't you know?" I told him, with the hint of threat in my voice. Newt gulped, but Dreadsboy just chuckled. _The FUCK? I just fucking threatened him and he just chuckles at me?_

"Are you mental, dreadsboy? Or are you just being black?" I said smugly. He suddenly looked offended. His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed into slits.

"Oh, so you're being racist now, huh?"

"Oh, so you just pulled off an indirect sexist thing, huh?"

I gracefully walked back to my stool and spent the day creating revenge plans. _ I could pour glue on him and feathers..Nah, it's not that original. Or maybe, I could put dye in his shampoo?..Stalker much. Uhm, how about, cutting dreadsboy's dreads? HAHA. Not really. Too basic. _

I was too busy planning, I didn't hear the bell ring. I quickly launched up my seat and ran off. In my next class, I made the teacher sign the slip and started to furiously write on my binder, conjuring up plans and their pros and cons. I think the teacher called me a few times, but I ignored him.

Oh. Chicken.

Chickens are my worst enemies. They make fun of me and get me embarrassed. One time, I was on a date and we had roasted chicken. From there, it went downhill...

_Flashback_

"_Oh, hey Bells!" I heard James exclaim. I smiled at him in response._

"_I'm so glad you agreed to have a date with me after so long." Desperate much?_

"_Oh yeah, suuuuuure." I answered him offhandedly. _

"_I ordered chicken for us. I just thought you would like it, since most people do." He said and grinned at me. Shizzors._

"_No! WHY DID YOUUUU?" I yelled at him. I started jumping up the seat and thrashing. He looked panicked. I could handle this..I can't._

_I sat down and calmed myself. I apologized profusely, but didn't miss the skeptic look on his face. I shrugged at him and smiled innocently. _

_**FING!**_

_Uh, fing? Why'd the heck did it say FING? Shouldn't it be DING? You know, like DING dong? Or something? _

"_Here's the food, Bells." He said and handed me my plate. I looked at it and put on a face of disgust. I quickly shielded that and took my fork and knife. My hands are shaking. I stabbed the chicken gingerly with the fork and I tried to use the knife to cut it. _

_No such luck._

_I looked at James and saw he was eating already, his chicken meat sliced to pieces, the bone discarded. I stabbed the chicken once again and tried it. It won't budge. I stabbed it repeatedly using the knife. James looked surprised. I stabbed it until it looked like garbage. Then I put it in my mouth and started chomping._

"_I EAT YOU CHICKEN!" I said in my cave woman voice. I put it in my mouth and ate it without grace. _

"_YUM YUM!" I said, still using my cavewoman voice. I heard James excuse himself to go to the bathroom, but instead, I saw him go towards his car and drive off. I looked down at my dress and saw gravy sliding down. I shrugged and still ate it like the cave woman that I am._

_End Flashback_

Yeah, they make me show the cave woman in me. How embarrassing is that? Your date seeing you act like an uneducated woman? He was like, _Am I looking at the woman that I liked? Or am I just you know, being Punk'd! Or something..._

Yup. Pretty sure that was what he was thinking. I mean, what else would it have been?

The bell rang again, signalling us that it is the end of classes. I gathered my books and headed to my locker. I opened my lock and stuffed all of my books there. I closed and locked it and headed towards Mrs. Cope.

As I was walking, I heard giggling. I whipped my head towards it and they stopped. I looked back into the direction I was supposed to go and heard giggling again. I groaned.

"What?" I snapped at them. They quickly hid something behind their backs and shook their heads. I made my way towards them and tried to grab the paper. They kept passing it to each other. When I finally had enough, I stood in front of them.

"You girl, you're Brittanie. I know about how you originally had a penis, but then you had to do a sex change."

"You, you're Rachel. I know that your boyfriend has a pencil dick, but you keep on telling people that he has a big one."

"You're Emma. I also know that you make those killer brownies," she smiled smugly, "but I know your so called choco sprinkles were mouse turd." I heard several people saying 'shit' and run towards the bathroom. Emma looked so humiliated. They ran off and left the paper behind. I looked at it and..

FUCK SHIT.

There was a picture of me, well actually just my head, connected to a fat body. That fat body has layers of fat, almost looking like crap. I mean, seriously, crap. It has so much fat. I feel so disgusted just by seeing it. Then, I flipped it on the back. I saw something scribbled there.

_Swan,_

_You totes just announced war between us, hun. You and those retar Cullens and me, with my totes awess posse. _

_I hope you come out alive and not humiliated, hun. NOT, hun._

_Bye, hun! ;)_

_-Lauren._

She wrote it with her hearts and whatnot. She had her 'HUN' word there. And totes. And retar. And awess. UGH. I wanna bang my head on a brick wall right now and let Humpty Dumpty fall so he can't dry hump the wall anymore. OHHH!

_Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, I banged my head and he had a great fall, his non-existent penis couldn't take it at all, he died not dry humping the wall. _

I just made an amazing version of Humpty Dumpty. I sang that while I was walking towards Mrs. Cope. I left the slip on her desk and made my way to my car. Lauren 'hun' Mallory, believe it or not, (I don't want to believe but, that's life..*sigh*) you just made my life interesting.

_Lauren Mallory announced a war, Her China based ego would have a great blow, all of her posse would suffer as well, hearing her say 'hun' all over again._

Aren't I just awesome?


	9. Check This Out!

**Author's Note.**

**Yes, I hate me too to make you think that this is a chapter. I hate these kinds of things. BOOPDEDOODAP.**

**I just wanted to announce that I wrote a new story and it's already up in my profile. It's called, **_**"Carrying A Cardboard Box."**_** It's about Bella, a rich girl, and Edward the homeless. They met because Edward was digging food from the dumpsters. Bella had an urge to go to him, and she doesn't know why. From there, they became friends. Daddy dear isn't happy. :|**

**Check it out and I hope you review! :)**

**Love,**

**Allison Emma. :3**


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